There is a sweet spot with nearly everything in life that I like to call the Goldilocks Zone – not too little, not too much, just the right amount or balance, and this concept certainly applies to the subject matter we’re considering here – judgment.
To judge, or determine the value of something, is an important skill to possess. To discern that the leftover turkey surprise is no longer fit for eating is to save yourself from horrific food poisoning. To judge that the person in the lane beside you is driving erratically inspires you to move to another lane and keep an eye on that car. There are absolutely times when judgment is necessary and helpful, even life-saving.
However, there are also times when judgment undermines our emotional well-being, creating states of anxiety, poor self esteem, and general grumpiness that make it not helpful at all, far outside the Goldilocks Zone.
Here are 3 cases where judgment can trip us up. When we judge –
Life in General – When we are quick to judge things that happen in our day as good or bad, judgment is detracting from simply enjoying the moment. The truth is we don’t really know what is good or bad. Many times events that seem bad at first blush turn out to be some of Life’s greatest blessings, and the opposite is true as well. To place an occasion in the bucket of good or the bucket of bad is to assume one has a perspective that is loftier than we mortals can access. Why not refrain from judging, accept what IS, and move forward in the best way we can?
Other People – In these days of great divisiveness, it is even more common for people to judge others who are different from them in some way, either in views, tattoos, or whatever. When we do that though, we deny the diversity that is part and parcel of Life. Unfortunately, judging is one of the ego’s favorite games, and a part of our self feels all puffed up and superior when we look at another and judge them as being wrong. Our judgment may be hurtful if that person is in our inner circle, but whether they are aware of our opinion or not, we hurt ourselves when we pass judgment on another. The good news is when we give others the space and grace to live their lives as they see fit, we both win.
Ourselves – Ouch. This is often where we judge in the harshest way. When we observe what worked and what didn’t with a goal of learning and doing better, that IS helpful and enlightening. However, we often judge, criticize, and demean ourselves in words our worst enemy would be reticent to use. It might seem like that judgment is the motivation necessary to step up and do better, but it’s actually demoralizing. If our goal is to be our best selves, it’s more effective to accept that we are doing the best we can with what we know at the moment. As the wise Maya Angelou stated, “When we know better, we do better.”
So how do we find the Goldilocks Zone of judgment? Simply ask yourself –
- Am I looking upon Life events, other people, or myself unkindly, with the intent of finding fault?
- Or is my safety or wellbeing served by this judgment?
- Am I discerning a lesson to be learned?
The more awareness and clear intent we bring to our lives, the wiser we become regarding when and where we judge.
If you would like support on this or any aspect of your personal growth journey, please reach out to me and schedule a free 30 minute call to explore how Life Coaching can enhance your experience of Life.
